“I Love You So Much…”
Last night, I spent time looking through ALL my pictures I took from the Philippines and sifting out my favorites. For the first time, I set my screensaver to play a slideshow of my favorite pictures/memories from my trip.
This morning…I opened up my itunes on my laptop and I played my worship2 playlist. I walked into the bathroom and I placed my laptop on the counter. With “To know Your Name” resonating in the CR (my favorite worship song as of now), I was about to undress, then my screensaver comes on for the first time.
I found myself watching the “random” pictures come up for a few minute. Then I heard a still small voice say to me… “I love you this much.” The slideshow continued on, and I couldn’t help but be in awe of Him. I began to look at all the following pictures in a different light. Every following picture would come up and He would say to me, “I love you this much, I wanted youto experience this.” So picture after picture, God was affirming His love for me… Wow! and surely the Lord had allowed me to experience soOo much in two and a half months time… more than I could ever type and explain here.
I stilled my soul before Him, and while I was in the shower, literally naked before the Lord, He shared with me, “Look at all these peoples, their lives have been touched by Me, through you. They are grateful. You made a difference. I love you so much, I allowed you to be part of allMy peoples lives. I love you so much, that I provided for you. I love you so much, I allowed you to experience these heart issues. I love you so much, I allowed you to impart to My Mandaue youth. I love you so much, that I took away your comforts of home, and humbled you, and expanded your boundaries. I love you so much, I allowed you to experience the world conference. I love you so much, that I answered your prayers according to My goodpurpose…”
Then God reminded me of who I once was, this grabe shy, depressed, bitter, introverted kid with constant suicidal thoughts, with a heart against God and with NO heart what so ever for the Philippines; and how HE changed my heart and conformed it to HIS liking, and how He single handedly orchestrated everything and bringing revelation of Who is and what He has done for me and all of us, and calling me into a personal intimate relationship with Him. After receiving Him, as first LORD, then Savior, almost 4 years ago, I made a conscious decision to live the Word out- as a “living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to the Lord,” in other words- to leave my self open and willing to His purpose and plan for me… and His plan was for me to go through the pruning process; in order to build my faith in Him. Surely He constantly refined me in the fire. He surfaced and burned (and still surfaces and burns) up the junk/impurities in me. Amidst the reminder, the Lord with a still small voice, says to me, “I love you so much, Iallowed you to experience the fire. To change your heart. To break you down. To demonstrate My power in your weakness, so that I can build you back up stronger. Restoredand redeemed. Fit and ready to receive My future blessings.”
So here I was still in the shower, and amidst God speaking to me about how much He loves me. I say to Him, “I don’t deserve all this… There is nothing that I could have ever done, to deserve all these great things… I am so imperfect!” Then the Lord immediately says to me… “Grace.”
I got onto my knees prayed and repented and said to the Lord, “I CHOOSE to receive every good gift You have for me. It is by Your’ grace, Your’ undeserved favor for me, that I am blessed. I receive. Thank you God.”
We sometimes (if not all the time) feel that we don’t deserve things, especially great things of God. Sometimes we pray consistently for things to come to pass and in a moments notice, you find yourself walking in the blessing you soOo desired, but at times we feel fearful because of the added responsibility. But the Lord wants us to continue to step out in faith and walk with Him in the blessing, He will never leave you nor forsake you. He would never give you anything that you can’t handle.
Lets just say that is exactly what the Lord had done for me while I was in the Philippines. In Hawaii, I was delighting myself in the Lord, and He placed a desire for me to go to the Philippines in 2006, not really knowing why, but went by faith. I think God wired me like this- if God tells me to go, I have a tendency to GO and ask questions later. (I think that is the kind of heart God desires. What do u think?) Upon leaving Cebu in 2006, God placed another desire in my heart, and that was to be in Cebu for a season in 2007. I continued to pray and put my faith into action and God provided. And by faith I went. Not knowing exactly what will happen, but knowing that He said to “Go.” And that I should be secure in Him that everything will be okay and that He will take care of me while in Cebu.
Early on while in the Philippines, I experienced extreme joy in the ministry advancing His kingdom and keeping in step with His Spirit, and on the other hand, experiencing extreme lows in my heart issues. I was left every night to deal with EVERYTHING, and honestly I could NOT do it on my own. So every night, my heart would be soOo heavy, that I would cry out to my God and cast out ALL my cares on Him, knowing that in due time He will lift me up. And by God’s grace He strengthened my heart (and my back) to withstand the fire. For when I am weak then I am strong. Glory to God!
With all this said, none of this would have happened, if I had NOT heard and obeyed God! I have no regrets, just joy, peace, satisfaction, knowing that I obeyed, and experienced all that HE wanted me to experience, and He was glorified every step of the way. The simplicity of God in wanting to get our attention to speak to us in the most unlikely and the most mundane moments of life, is something I treasure the most. One of my prayers I always have with Him is “God, help me to hear Your voice over ALL things. I want to obey you out of my love for you, and please give me the strength to do as You say. If you tell me Go! I’ll Go!” If this has not been a prayer of your heart, I pray for you that it will.
Be still. Listen for Him and obey. Watch and be amazed.
It has been an amazing two and a half months of my life being with everyone in Cebu and Mandaue, and all praises be to God. I am so grateful to Him for blessing me with such an amazing spiritual family. You ALL have blessed, encouraged, imparted to me grately. You all played a role in getting me closer to Him, and I am forever grateful to you and Him for everything done and said. I know that God will surely bless you all for blessing me. I know that I was exactly where God wanted me to be. So I am secured that I was exactly in the right place at the right time. He taught me so much, so much so that I want to share my life with you, in hopes that I will help you get closer to Him.
Be blessed and RECEIVE His blessings ☺