Reflection.

Wondering.

I’ve never experienced much funerals, but as of late, i’ve been.  It never fails that I always enter the ceremony with awkwardness and curiosity.  Awkward on not knowing what to say, and unsure on how to act.  And curiosity on the outcome of the service.

As the service came to an end, and majority of the people made their way to the refreshment fellowship area, I took a seat by myself at the back of the room.   I couldn’t help but contemplate about my own death.  I sat alone wondering…

Wondering what people would do at my funeral.

Wondering if kids would be crying and running around making noise while the eulogy is going on.

Wondering if a cell phone would go off.

Wondering who would be there.

Wondering who would NOT be there.

Wondering if people all the way in the back of the building would be talking and not listening to the eulogy.

Wondering what kind of music would be playing.

Wondering who would be crying.

Wondering who would be cracking jokes in remembrance of me.

Wondering if the Christians I know would share the love of God and befriend my surviving family members after the ceremony.

Wondering if sorrow and grief, or joy and love would be the overwhelming feeling in everyones hearts as they leave the place.

Wondering…

… what people would say about me.

Wondering…

… how people perceived my life and how lived.

Wondering if people would see me only as an artist… or as a man who loved Jesus more than life itself…

Just… wondering.

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